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As 2009 ended on a slow and awkward note, 2010 entered painlessly marking the beginning of a new decade. Aside from my last minute private reflections of 2009, I didn't take up my cousin's offer to attend her soiree at her place and I didn't spend the final eve of 2009 on someone's dance floor like I really wanted to. It was a "quiet" evening with the family, though I took to a little escape.

While everyone was downstairs whooping it up on the new Wii game system or looking at a bootleg copy of Michael Jackson's "This Is It," I stayed upstairs to close out 2009 by completing some left over duties. More importantly, I tackled my Yahoo email account. It had been ages since I regularly checked every incoming email. Nowadays I just spot check for anything of importance while leaving thousands of emails unopened. Though family and friends still contact me at that address, I'm more prone to use my Hotmail and Gmail accounts. Right now, messages from my woman's writing group take over my Yahoo inbox.

Without much thought, I began mass deleting all unopened emails from any and everyone. I figured if I haven't read it by now, the issue or topic is dead. No need to further forward or even reply. I discovered I had open and unopened emails from 2005, 2006 and 2007. Some of them I reopened to refresh what could me and whomever have so much to say via the internet in five or more emails with the same topic. I found old pictures emailed to me of me dancing in a bar and other little photos friends have emailed for whatever reason or another. Some I kept, some I deleted. Some of those emails brought back feelings of being quasi-carefree while still under the weight of life going awry. Other emails brought on a sense of sadness as some folks I don't even communicate with any more.

I cleaned house (sorta speak) because 1). I was sick of logging onto Yahoo to see I have nearly 3,000 unread emails. 2). I just felt I needed to be proactive and ridding myself of old things. Since the renovations to the house took care of that process already, I still felt weighed by old issues...old things. So I looked to my email accounts.

I've have this overwhelming urge to swim again. Not in the sense that's been presented to me in dreams with the meaning of cleansing; but I really do want to go swimming. Perhaps it is still tied into the whole "cleansing" process I've been in since the latter part of 2008. Maybe I just want to shake away all those micro insecurity jitters I've been feeling lately. If there is ever a time I need a boost in my confidence it is this year. The new year is already chock full of finishing line goals as well as new ones I'm stepping into. I feel myself stepping back to a humble place, but so humble I'm becoming a bit intimidated by what's placed before me. I need to break out of that shell... the shell of fear.

Fear as been on the back burner for the last few months, but it's starting to show. Can I handle the tasks before me? After all, this is what I am trained and love to do. Maybe me cleaning out my inbox was a diversion to keep me from sitting down and quietly map out a strategy for execution for each task.

So far, not sure how to feel about 2010. All I know is, I have one more week of rest before I hit the ground running. Then again I've already begun to run with a couple of telephone meetings to discuss a couple of projects. This is real....real as anything.

2010...a time to truly shine.

Yummy Soup Fixings

Well, I guess I'm rolling 2010 in on a positive note. I'm cleaning up my blasted study, which means I'm facing my checkbook and bank account statements and am putting them in order nonetheless. Most of the crap lying around are financial records, which are getting entered into my Quicken software. Quicken also has a business planning and expense/income tracking module, so - there! I'm facing the music and getting the crying out of the way. Then I'm going on from there.

I also decided to throw together a yummy, yummy soup. It's very easy, too.

Step One: Open Fridge
Step Two: Pull out your veggies
Step Three: Open cupboard
Step Four: Pull out soup stock and canned chopped tomatoes
Step Five: Go to back pantry
Step Six: Pull out lentils and barley. Grab some small pasta.
Step Seven: Go to freezer
Step Eight: Take out frozen peas and frozen corn

Chop veggies, saute in oil with a bay leaf. Dump in soup stock and canned tomatoes. Add a handful of lentils and barley and bring to a boil. Boil for 20 minutes. Add the frozen stuff and the pasta. Boil another 10 minutes.

Eat!

Happy New Year!

I'm being a good girl and cleaning my room. My study's been a paper-strewn, dusty mess all year. I think it reflected my experiences of 2009, which were anything but clean and orderly. No, if I had to do it over I'd run screaming.

Granted, I've enjoyed the opportunities for my own business development. 2009 was quite fulfilling that way. I'll take that as an omen and press on.

Still, if I had to do it over again...

I'm not sure.

I'm going to look forward, not back. As Della said to Maggie, "don't go there."

As there are only a few hours left in 2009, it's ending on a wierd note.

I found out a few weeks ago that one of my brother's has been married since September - - talk about being hurt, but I'm over it. He claims it was no big thing. Just him, his bride and a judge at the justice of peace. Speaking of weddings, another shocker occured yesterday. Today my aunt announced that she too went to justice of peace and is now married to a guy that....no one really cares for. I love my aunt and we want to be happy, but we can't. The situation is just...not cool.

Aside from the surprise marriages, my mother shocked me yesterday as we toured our final resting place. The whole day and idea of buying burial plots felt crazy to me, because though I know nothing last forever and people do die, including mothers, I just wasn't ready to deal. Apparently, it's been on my mother's mind for a while. Not that she is dying in a sense that she is terminally ill and will pass any day now. She just figures this is something she must do to help alleviate some financial strains to her survivors; mainly me. It sucks to be my mother's only child when it comes to something like this....

So, yesterday I sucked up my pride and my discomfort and took my mom to the cemetary where we had a tour and discussed plot options with the sales lady. I guess I didn't do a good job to hide my discomfort because the sales lady kept trying to soothe my mind by telling it's something that has to be done before telling me I should consider buying my own plot. Then the nerve of both of them to ask if I wanted to be buried on top or next to my mother?

My response with every ounce of a "you've got to be kidding me tone.":

"IT WOULDN'T MATTER BECAUSE I WOULD BE DEAD!!!!!"

Needless to say by the end of the ordeal, the whole family now has a final resting place in the same burial area.

After that meeting I barely functioned the rest of the day. I had a dull headache that grew to a migraine. I ran my mother around to complete a few more errands, but I couldn't get over the fact that the whole meeting caused me to look at my own mortality "dead" on.

For the past few years as the new year rolls in I've been celebrating my youth. I figured I had [figurtively] died so many times I needed to come back to life and savor what is left of my youthful days. Though I was not totally carefree or oblivious about death, at the same time I was not even thinking about it. I know it occurs but had a silly notion that time will cooperate despite evidence that time waits for no man.

Once the clock strikes midnight, I will have a month to go before I welcome my 30s. My twenties will be tucked away somewhere and whatever skin I shedded then will have hopefully dissolved never linger around. Whatever new growth that isn't showing now, will perhaps begin to show. I think it's funny how this particular new year is bringing on an obsession about change and people are just NOW talking about changing for the better as if it will occur in 24 hours. To counter act, there are folks who have attacked such claims and think it's silly how people expect a change like a flick of a light switch and don't really put in the work to do so. Most of these discussions are flying around my Facebook realm.

For me, my change has been continous, but in light of the meeting at the cemetary, I couldn't help but to think last night what have I really done in life that wasn't a time waster. Have I really wasted 29 years? Though I do believe that there have been spots of wasted time, I don't think I've wasted an entire decade. My personal fight with what I want out of life and what has been pre-designed for me seems constant. Yet in the evolution of me as a person.. I managed to make strides that sometimes is beyond my understanding; such as how did I make through the year in juggling school and motherhood and other side projects. My balancing act is way off, but I know what.. or whom helped me out the most, especially with this last semester.

Still I'm unsure what to proclaim 2010 and the rest of the next decade.

Maybe I'll just celebrate life.

Let me stop before this sounds like a ramble.....

Think about this:

• If there is a creation, there must be a Creator.
• If there is a Creator, He must be the Sustainer
• The Creator Cannot Create Himself
• If He is the sole Creator/Sustainer -- He must be ONE

http://islamtomorrow.com/proofs.htm

What was the worst thing that happened to you in 2009? The best?

2009 was a year of lows for our family. 

The year started well with our pregnant dog Hera delivering five puppies on Jan 27th.  This was her  second pregnancy and for the first time had a little girl.  Her first litter in 2006 was five little boys!  My breeder friend Jane, could not believe that out of ten puppies only the very last one was a girl.  After Hera had deliver her 9th boy, Conrad told her the statistical chances of having ten out of ten pups be all boys.  That apparently changed her mind and surprise, Princess was born.   

Princess was spoiled from the day she arrived and repaid us by being the first to escape all confinement.  At about four weeks, she climbed out of the puppy play pen at 5 AM and made her way across the hall, the kitchen and dining area and into the master bedroom to announce her hunger. . . loudly.  Princess became Prissy Lady when adopted by her new Mom Jean and continues to rule her new house hold.

We had made arrangements to wholesale the puppies to my friend Jane who is a professional breeder with a long standing clientele.  We decided to try to sell some of them locally and were somewhat successful with four of the five pups being sold by the age of 10 weeks.  Younger pups sell better and so Conrad took Brownie back to Michigan and Jane.  I kept Pixel with me and had planned to sell him to a friend only, or maybe keep him.  Conrad wanted to sell him, thinking three dogs was too many.  We only have two laps. 

Some of you may remember, that I sort of accidentally sold Pixel, to some very nice people from New Jersey.  I was depressed for a week until I got a call from Larry saying there was a problem with Pixey.  Larry's brother was a canine genetics professor at a major university and had put Pixel through some very serious tests looking for genetic problems that occur with Shih Tzus.  He found that Pixel had a condition call Juvenile Renal Displaysia.  This condition is usually fatal and gave Pixey a prognosis of a very short life span.  We were all devastated.  I give my  puppy parents a one year guarantee against genetic defects, so there was no question, that we would take Pixey back and love him and keep him comfortable as long as possible. 

Larry flew Pixel back to Raleigh and met us at the airport.  I felt terrible for Lydia, Larry, and most of all my Pixel.  My magical little boy was doomed to a short life.  We consulted with our Vet and found that there was not much that could be done.  Our biggest hope was that he would remain small and not outgrow his existing kidney function. 

Pixey fit back into the family and even Lenny, who had been in a snit since the birth of the puppies, grew to accept his new little brother was here to stay.  Today Pixey is 11 months old and  just a little over 5 pounds.  We have had his kidneys tested twice since, and while some of his readings are at the high end of normal, all are in the normal range.  He shows no signs of the kidney issue other than drinking a lot of water, frequent urination, and is a bright and happy little dog that we love dearly. 

Financial devastation was the phrase for 2009.  In April we had to assume the total cost of our retirement health care when the bankruptcy judge and allowed Delphi to renege on the promise of health care for salary retirees with over 30 years of service.  My husband and I both retired from Delphi.  I had worked for GM for 26 years and my husband 23 years before the Delphi spin off in 1999.  We were promised that all benefits would continue under the new company and health care in retirement and pensions were safe. . . as long as we worked a minimum of 30 years.  I worked 34 and my husband 32 when we were offered early retirement packages due to down sizing and plant closings.  Union workers lost vision and dental coverage while the Delphi salary retirees (who had already been paying about 20% of our health care costs) now had to assume 100%.  This was not in the plan. 

A couple of months later GM was in trouble and the Automotive Task Force was formed.  A deal was brokered that dumped all of the Delphi pensions on the PBGC where based on age, our pensions could now be cut up to 70% in some cases.  They also brokered a deal where GM made up for the pension short fall for UAW retirees ONLY! They also sold many of the Delphi assets for pennys on the dollar back to GM without fully funding the salary retirement plan.   This was and remains an unequal and unpresented decision in a bankruptcy case. 

The DSRA (Delphi Salary Retirement Association) was formed.  Legal action is still pending to reverse or mitigate these decisions.   The DSRA found a new group to admisistrate our health care trust and found more affordable health care in a nation wide plan.  VEBA accounts were established and the health care costs were reduced.  By offering the health care plan to the union retirees within Delphi the group size was increased from 15,000 salary retirees to over a hundered thousand, sigificantly reducing the cost of coverage to all.  It's still expensive, but only about half of what we faced in April.  With my history of breast cancer, we had no choice but to go with whatever group coverage was made available. 

The future is not certain and we still are hopeful that DSRA legal action may be sucessful.  Unfair decisions that effected different groups of retirees, differently, may still be overturned or mitigated to some extent.  We remain hopeful that 2010 is a much better year than 2009.  We planned carefully for our retirement and saved much of our income.  Many people did not.  They face much more dim prospects than we but, if the legal decisions stand, we could all face the prospects of poverty. . . in what are suposed to be our Golden Years.   We are all very bitter about the treatment we have recieved after devoting 30+ years to Delphi and GM.  I'm really glad 2009 is almost over. 

No, we won't be buying a new GM car in 2010!

You can read more about the DSRA situation in the Washington Times:

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/dec/24/nonunion-auto-retirees-cry-foul-over-deal/

Islam encourages the husband to treat his wife well, as the Prophet Muhammad  said: {The best among you are those who are best to their wives.}

Mothers in Islam are highly honored.  Islam recommends treating them in the best way.  A man came to the Prophet Muhammad  and said, “O Messenger of God!  Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship?”  The Prophet  said: {Your mother.}  The man said, “Then who?”  The Prophet  said: {Then your mother.}  The man further asked, “Then who?”  The Prophet  said: {Then your mother.}  The man asked again, “Then who?”  The Prophet  said: {Then your father.}

http://www.islam-guide.com/index5.htm